Despite a relationship, you can have a tough time entering or maintaining a new relationship.Think about it: of course, if every time you did something it resulted in being slapped in the face, you start to expect you’ll be slapped in the face and therefore you try to avoid those situations or assume everyone is out to get you.As you have painfully discovered, it is often just too much to ask for, and you end up alone, which in turn creates even more insecurity, shame and despair.Working on understanding how your need for reassurance reached this insatiable point may help you feel compassion for yourself, because chances are something was terribly awry in your past.They may “pay” for intimacy rather than cultivating it on their own merits, because they experience themselves as unlovable, so they instead go for a quick fix and then leave. Intense, Insatiable Neediness However you arrived at this place of intense need, it drives you to overwhelm your prospective partners. You ask for praise, even beg for it, but then can't accept when it's given to you.You have a constant, insatiable need for reassurance. The level of insecurity you feel leaves little if any room to establish a healthy reciprocal relationship, because conversations with prospective partners must involve reasons why you are loveable, and without that reassurance, you feel unloveable.
Your inability to trust may even compel you to see everyone who comes your way as potentially predatory – wanting something from you before they abandon you.
Regardless, over time these experiences created a loud voice in your head that tells you your prospective mates aren’t good enough.
This opinion is so dominant that you don't give partners a chance.
In my practice I have seen many themes emerge that can explain why people are single when they don’t want to be.
Working to find self-compassion and patience for the reasons you got to this dissatisfying and frustrating place can help you begin to feel less stuck.